Wiped ass with birchbark...hoop still sore...

Cool Critter said:
No, he means cut your underware off or a chunk of your shirt to wipe the area!!! Wow, people that have never been there! done that!!!!!!
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Oh, I get it. That is a smart idea. You could also find other uses for the underwear once you cut a piece out....
red-neck-tank-top.jpg
 
A friend of mine told me that "real" men just straddle a small cedar tree and walk down it. Maybe that is what the aboriginals used to do.?? Seriously though, either Tucks medicated wipes or baby wipes in one of those little travel cases.
 
Birchbark? That's where the blacklegged ticks ride it out for the winter. Dude, a sore arse is the least of your worries. :slap: ;) I don't have time to go through all the poopy posts .... and I'm sure it's already been said, oak leaves, sugar maple leaves, tshi(r)t paper, pocket linings or just shoot the first rabbit that happens by.
 
I swear to cripes some of yu'all killed more brain cells than you can afford.
Ever watch a dog scratch his arse?
Yes, the knife I mentioned earlier was to cut shreds of your t's, arms, cuffs,
socks or your inside pockets.
Heck, wrap yer knife blade in bark and use the handle to scoop.
You must bring a wallet?
How about a Timmies card and use it to scooop?
Crap, with your knife, carve the plastic to fit the groove.
Ohhh mah lawrd.
 
Could be worse, a buddy of mine was taking a dump while hunting and had stepped on a large wildrose bush stalk, when he moved his foot the stalk whipped up and filled his sac with about 50 large wildrose thorns.

I have heard mountain lions bloodcurdling screehs and they are quiet in comparison to what left buddys mouth, no game was seen that day!
 
Is this a good time to mention that if wearing coveralls to make sure you know exactly where it landed before putting the top back on? Wiping could be the least of your worries!!!
 
When my nephew was about 12, we went out on a long hike down at our cabin. Needless to say, when we were at the far end of our trek, good old uncle Ken had to.... No R. Swype. Used my shirt sleeve. Just rolled the other one up to match. I cautioned the smart alecky nephew to keep his mouth shut when we got back, until I could hide the shirt. Of course, as soon as he gets in the door, "Uncle Ken, what happened to your shirt sleeve!!"
 
tigger said:
Is this a good time to mention that if wearing coveralls to make sure you know exactly where it landed before putting the top back on? Wiping could be the least of your worries!!!
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Or if you got a hood on those coveralls. Better check you didn't deposit something into it. I know of a few guys that have the hoods cut off their Carharts because they dropped one in there. One guy didn't realize it 'til he got back in the truck! Hahaha.
 
just gotta say, try it next time with a really good, deep squat, and spread those cheeks wide.....don't even need to bother with a wipe - just saying.

Or, crusty snow works pretty good, although a bit crunchy.,.....and to whoever said baby wipes - he nailed it!
 
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