All kidding aside I actually do have treestands. Here's mine.
I mount these by screwing a 5/16" lag screw into the tree and then I drop the stand onto it, where the keyhole is cut in the back of the 1" steel tubing.
This allows me to get the thing up very quickly. After the stand is hanging on the lag screw, I screw a 1/4" T-handle lag screw through a hole near the bottom of the vertical tubing; this prevents the base from kicking out sideways when getting on or off.
After the stand is secured by the lag screws, top and bottom, I wrap this chain around just to where I have enough slack left for the eyebolt to fit; then I just tighten that down with the wing nut.
The stand is only coming down if the tree falls over...
The tree steps are
Ameristep "Grizzlies" . The biggest, strongest steps I could find
In the front of the vertical 1" tubing you can see 2 keyholes; I drop my seat onto those. On the seat I have 2 1/4" bolts that I tighten down with wing nuts, once the seat is in place. Then the seat doesn't rattle or make any noise.
The assembled stand. I guess shoulda taken a pic of the bottom, but it's just 2 lengths of angle iron anyway that extend out from the hinge points...
I am 6'3" 235... these things will hold a fat man!
I built these stands. I've got 3 of 'em. They are actually not too bad to sit in. They are intended to be set in a good spot and then left for the season.
I guess they weigh about 20-25 lbs...
Oh yeah, for transporting I fold the thing up and insert a 1/4" bolt through the platform and vertical tubing so they do not flop all over, while in a quad trailer (or whatever). The seat rides separately.
Also, whenever I am getting out of the stand for extended period of days, I remove the seat.
Okay there's what the bottom looks like. The angle iron pieces are not too long... maybe 6".
There's a little closer view of the T-screw at the bottom... of course it should be pointing towards the tree...
Close-up of the keyhole that I use. These are for mounting the seat.
Rough dimensions:
Platform is 24" x 24"
1" vertical steel tubing is 24"
1" horizontal pieces are 18"