Attn Nationals Staff and Competitors

tritium

tritium

CGN frequent flyer
Rating - 100%
35   0   0
Location
Ottawa for now, Ontario,Canada
Dear national’s staff and competitors,

It is with great regret that I must inform you that I have resigned from the employ of Mr. Roff.
Today, I had a conversation with him wherein he revealed his intent to buy a mini van in order to deliver drywall to areas of economic depravity and to pick up small school children.... (even though he has no children of his own... that he knows of... because he is never home on Father’s Day... he thinks he's a school bus driver, for Pete's sake!).

I believe that he has lost his mind. His babblings and insistence on maintaining his urine in jars in my luggage has been a strain on me, as you can well imagine. I can no longer find it in my heart to jump in front of bullets or knives for him. I also believe that, due to his impending insanity, his Safeway franchise will soon fail.
Please find it in your hearts to say a kind word for him but the man is completely bonkers... tonight whilst in Kelowna, whilst watching 80’s One Hit Wonders he revealed his intent to father an illegitimate child with Amy Winehouse... in fact, the looney said she was hot (I’m not frickin’ kidding on that one!)
After that he forced me to watch “Best in Show” and then he forced me to drink anti-freeze and dressed me like a giant poodle! I can no longer offer bodyguard services to him!
I wish him well in his dry-wall delivery business!
Signed,
Dark Helmet
 
Dear "Dark Helmet"
It is with much sadness that those of us on the advance team heard about your resignation, however we were not shocked. Some of those that transferred from your team to ours told us of the unfortunate turn in our employers state of mental health. More than one had to spend the night wearing a ball gag, smeared head to toe in bacon grease and forced to watch His taped collection of Oprah shows. The poodle suit is new and came about after the death of his beloved toy poodle "Sasparilla" during an unfortunate training accident involving a role player dressed as Taliban and a bacon cheeseburger. From what I heard, the person who was forced to wear the poodle suit on the detail had it pretty good with all the snacks he could eat and morning walks....unfortunately our bomb sniffing dogs often got confused and violated the individual on overnight jobs. St. Bernards ARE an unusual choice for that role but worked well...just not for "sasparilla"
Good luck at your new job and if they are hiring FOR F@(K'S SAKE LET ME KNOW!!!!
PapaHotel
 
Okay so the lack of responses to this just goes to show you I'm as confused as the rest of the people. Mind you having shot with this group I think some of it is making a bit of sense? Nah, I don't think so!:D
 
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