how to turn beef into venison

fogducker

fogducker

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Start one year before killing date.

Feed the steer only on wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage, and tree bark. About two hours before you are ready to butcher, have a friend chase the beef around to get the blood and the adrenaline into the meat. Shoot the beef immediately after it has been chased (make sure it's a gut shot, and try to do this via hind quarter). A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible in the impact area.

Drag the beef to a slough and field dress it in the slough. Make sure to get as much grass, weeds, cattails and debris in as possible.

Drag the beef at least one mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the wound and the interior of the carcass.

Load the beef on a car/truck and drive down first a gravel road at least 5 miles and then down a highway. This will get as much highway grime, bugs, and rocks imbedded in the meat as possible. (For extra flavor this should be done in the rain.) Hang the beef in the garage. (Make sure it is low enough so the dog can chew on the hind quarter and then properly mark it as his territory.)

At least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle for 5 minutes in the garage. Carbon Monoxide adds greatly to the flavor. When the carcass smells so bad that you can hardly stand being in the garage, the beef is ready to process.

Properly following the steps will ensure that your BEEF is mistaken for VENISON by even the most avid sportsman. Everyone will marvel at how much venison you have and how good it tastes... and you won't have to put on that crazy outfit and walk for 300 miles ever again.
 
Nice. I never thouht of trying this method to feed to my anti deer meat consuming friends. Actually they don't know good venison from bad so this should do th trick.

Thanks.
 
A question for you Fog. Seeing as the Nov. deer hunt was so warm, just wondering at what optimal temperature should you hang the said carcass for. I thought it should be in cold temperatures, but am now wondering if we have been doing it wrong all these years. Should it actually be at a constant temperature of approx 20 degrees celcius? Thanx Fog!
 
Cletus said:
A question for you Fog. Seeing as the Nov. deer hunt was so warm, just wondering at what optimal temperature should you hang the said carcass for. I thought it should be in cold temperatures, but am now wondering if we have been doing it wrong all these years. Should it actually be at a constant temperature of approx 20 degrees celcius? Thanx Fog!
Click to expand...

when it starts to stink..its ready:D
 
You forgot the cooking instructions.

It's got to be cooked in a hot hot frying pan until the onions that are in with it are burnt beyond eating, and the juices have all dried up.

Bonus points if you have to chisel it out of the pan.

Yep. Treat it like garbage, and it'll taste like garbage.

Cheers
Trev
 
Good thread! Some of the things I've seen guys do to moose, elk and deer through the years is appalling. Spend all this time money and energy getting an animal and then treating the end product like roadkill. No wonder why so many people dislike wild meat.
 
Listen ducker, I don't know if your article is politically correct. I am consulting with PETA to see if we need to do anything about it or not.




:evil:
 
OK that was good if I still was farming I might have tried it . Only thing was I used to get my deer and geese on our Sask. farm every fall. The beef was a bonous .

Grijim
 
Damned I am going to throw out all the venison in my freezer! Mine can't possibly be as good as that. No better yet maybe I will just unwrap it and repackage it in used grocery store bags...ya, thats what I'll do, wont be as good as yours but should be close at least.:D
 
fogducker said:
Start one year before killing date.

Feed the steer only on wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage, and tree bark. About two hours before you are ready to butcher, have a friend chase the beef around to get the blood and the adrenaline into the meat. Shoot the beef immediately after it has been chased (make sure it's a gut shot, and try to do this via hind quarter). A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible in the impact area.

Drag the beef to a slough and field dress it in the slough. Make sure to get as much grass, weeds, cattails and debris in as possible.

Drag the beef at least one mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the wound and the interior of the carcass.

Load the beef on a car/truck and drive down first a gravel road at least 5 miles and then down a highway. This will get as much highway grime, bugs, and rocks imbedded in the meat as possible. (For extra flavor this should be done in the rain.) Hang the beef in the garage. (Make sure it is low enough so the dog can chew on the hind quarter and then properly mark it as his territory.)

At least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle for 5 minutes in the garage. Carbon Monoxide adds greatly to the flavor. When the carcass smells so bad that you can hardly stand being in the garage, the beef is ready to process.

Properly following the steps will ensure that your BEEF is mistaken for VENISON by even the most avid sportsman. Everyone will marvel at how much venison you have and how good it tastes... and you won't have to put on that crazy outfit and walk for 300 miles ever again.
Click to expand...

You really have nothing better to do. Do you? :sucks:
 
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