Looking at/for a cheap 9mm

Haven't read the whole tread. What about the Ruger P89 series guns. They are stainless steel, heavy metal gun. Some have DAO triggers. I have one and they are good guns. Highly rated by Massad Ayoob in his Greatest Handguns book.
 
My queen is this little number i would sleep with it if the wife would let me lol
not expensive for some but for me it is the top of the budget for one piece
feels awesome in the hand ,accurate , a few upgrades full length rod and d spring metal short pull trigger
and this will follow me the rest of my days

 
At some point, not long after she learns the basics of safe handling of firearms, will come a point where there is no substitute to arranging her to spend a half day or a full day with a good instructor. Not just someone who can teach her the range safety rules, but someone who can actual teach the techniques of how one uses a pistol correctly and effectively.
Since you are asking about 9mm gear, I would venture to assert it should be along the line of an instructor with ex-LEO-tac training, or a qualified instructor in IPSC etc.

I would consider that many times more important (and more fun) for a new shooter than finding the perfect gun.

After experiencing that training, one would also become more informed about what type / model of pistol to go after.

If I am providing that as an advice to my own family member. I would recommend a new shooter to take a cheap but functional pistol (e.g. whatever like Norinco 1911, Ruger SR9, Norinco Sig clone, etc etc) with a paid half/one day course, over an expensive pistol (e.g. a real Sig), any day.
 
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