I had this story in another thread, but it was kinda off topic, so I thought I would post it on it's own and see if anybody enjoyed it.........
My advice for new moose hunters is..............DON'T DO IT !!!! However if you absolutely must,...........buy two 8 wheeled Argos, with winches..........and always have at least 2 guys in the group under 35 years old............
Shoot it as many times as you have bullets.........through the front shoulders, lungs, neck, backstraps, hind quarters........everywhere.......... that way not only are you sure he's dead, you have next to no meat to pack out..........the eye lids are exceptionally good though. Never go after moose with less than 40 rounds on your person and shoot the biggest, most powerful, highest velocity magnum you can buy..........I prefer the 378 Wby with 235 Speers at about 4000 fps, this guarantees zero edible meat left after the required 40 rounds..........except eyelids of course. This also follows the need for the Argo, first to carry your stinking 20 lb rifle and ammo and second it will get way farther back, across creeks, rivers and sloughs and away from any other hunters who may have had a chance of finding you, before it beaks down.......AND IT WILL BREAK DOWN !!! This is why I have 2 Argos, so now I have close to $100,000 invested in moose hunting to end up with 4 oz of edible meat from each moose...........Now I know how your asking, "how can this bill come to $100,000"........well let me tell you...when you add in the 3 days walk out from where your first Argo broke down, shower, go to the hospital to get checked out to see if it is possible to survive 17 million mosquito bites in 3 days. Spend 3 days in hospital, because the doc doesn't recognize you as a human being from all the mosquito bites and to rehydrate you and replace the 7 pints of blood the mosquitos stole.........Then when you get out you have to hire a helicopter to go get your $25,000 Argo, only you fly around for 6 hrs @ 2000 bucks / hr because you really haven't got a clue where your Argo is after wandering aimlessly through swamps for 3 days and nights and because you weren't really paying attention when the Argo was running and you had full confidence in it..........You find your Argo.......finally..........to have your helicopter pilot tell you he can't land within 1/2 mile of it, so you land 1/2 mile away endure another hour of stumbling through the swamp, another 1/2 million mosquito bites (they're very glad to see you, and very grateful you got a refill) and don't forget another $2000 for the helicopter. You arrive at your Argo and the helicopter arrives 2 minutes later, with long line a hanging and you truss up the Argo and hook it to the long line...........Stupid helicopter won't lift it, he makes 2 feeble attempts, not wanting to pull more than 110% torque (pussy) and then waves off and drops the hookup and flies back the 1/2 mile to a landing spot. You are now frothing at the mouth, totally insane, covered in mosquitos and black flies, except where you covered in the most foul stinking black muck, and you realize why it's illegal for anyone but the pilot to carry a firearm in a helicopter in the Yukon.
After a modicum of sanity returns, you slog the 1/2 mile, 1 hour and $2000 helicopter dollars, back to where the nice clean well shaven, bug doped and insect free helicopter pilot is patiently waiting for you @ $2000 / hr, to fly you back to town where he just happens to have a bigger machine that will lift your Argo for only $3000 /hr. But today is now shot, so it's back up at first light and up you go in this new bigger and wonderful $3000/hr helicopter, today at least the pilot knows where the Argo is and your feeling refreshed from the 2 transfusions you had the previous evening to top you up for the coming day. Today it's only 2 hrs out to the Argo @ $3000/hr and he lands you in the same spot, you grind your teeth and slog the hour-1/2 mile through the swamp to your broken Argo. The mosquitos are equally glad to see you again and you're thankful for the top up the previous evening. You truss up the Argo and the helicopter shows up, long line adangling, you clip him up and he tugs hard on it but no joy, he can't break it loose from the suction of the mud and water. You are totally insane now and the helicopter pilot is afraid to land and talk to you, he decides to give it one last try, and you, in your insanity can see what the issue is so you grab the front bumper on the Argo and with super human strength, born out of your insanity and copious quantities of adrenaline flowing from thinking what you will do to that helicopter with you bare hands when you get a hold of it, heave the Argo skyward and break the water/mud suction and up she goes. The pilot is now absolutely terrified of you after witnessing what you just did, but he figures another hour in the swamp back to the landing site might calm you down enough to let you come aboard again. He loads his gun and has it handy along side his seat.
An hour and another $3000 later and another 1/2 million mosquito and black fly bites you're back to the landing site and you are too exhausted to kill the pilot, besides although a pilot yourself, you never learned to fly helicopters. You make a mental note to rectify that situation. Up, up and away you head for town with your $25,000 prize dangling some 50 feet below you, you fade out for an hour or so and awake just as Whitehorse comes into view around the side of the mountain. The pilot deftly moves in over his landing pad at the airport and places the Argo ever so gently beside his pad and lands. You're feeling tired and drained and ask if you can have the Argo picked up the next day, as you have to rush to the hospital for a couple more pints before you lose consciousness..........he agrees, cause he's still terrified and after watching you heave a 1000 lb Argo out of the mud and fling it skyward, he's not sure his survival gun is big enough.
So after a refill..... 3 more pints this time, apparently the local mosquitoes had invited relatives to the feast, knowing as long as that green blob was in the swamp they would be treated to a daily luncheon..... and a good sleep you fetch your Argo and take it in to the shop where you bought it a scant 2 weeks earlier. You are not happy and are quite willing to share your past 5 days with the owner at a decibel level which he finds quite uncomfortable. They agree to fix it and make sure all is in working condition for your next moose hunt in 2 weeks. Then comes the call that non warrantable repairs comes to $2200 but that it is, in fact, all checked out and ready to go............You feel insanity rising again...... The warrantable repairs came to $19.93 for the plugged fuel filter, which was plugged with plastic shavings from the installation of the filler spout in the tank. ......Well thank you very much...........Then he tells me it happens all the time and it would have been a good idea to have a spare filter with me............ no sh!t !!!!
Two weeks later I head out again, different spot over willows, through creeks and rivers and sloughs, way far back where I'm sure no man has ever been since the gold rush. Confident in my completely rebuilt 4 week old Argo with a whole 5 hours on it. I am a little smarter this trip, as I constantly look for good places to land a helicopter and I dart from one to the next one, always looking for another and possibly a moose as well. I whirr along being ever vigilant for that telltale antler tip, ear or tail flick. Stopping every mile or so to call, as it is now full rut, and listening intently for an answering grunt........nothing. I move further into the hinterland knowing I will see a huge bull any second............the Argo just up and coughs and quits. Still have 3/4 tank of fuel but nothing getting to the motor......HA HA I have another filter AND a spare fuel pump which was recommended by another Argo pioneer friend of mine. After an hour or so I have found the filter, changed it out, have fuel to the engine again and she fires right up............damn am I proud of myself !!! She whirrs along for several hours, stopping, calling, listening, move on, stop, call, listen, go to move on.........nothing, no click no whirr no nothing.......well this sure as hell ain't no fuel filter problem, however I am an electrician, so how hard can it be, it is obviously electrical. Oh ya and by the way I'm right beside a nice firm open meadow perfect for landing a helicopter........However I am also right alongside a big slough, perfect for hatching mosquitos, and I am covered.......again. As long as one is cruising along in the Argo the mosquitos don't bother you and you're not sweating so the bug dope does work when one stops to call..........that all changes when one has to disassemble an Argo in the middle of no where and the temp is 15 degrees, pretty soon the sweat is running and washing the bug dope off my face and behind my ears and the mosquitos are homing in on the bare patches causing me to wipe and create more bare patches. The little buggers are smart that way, pretty soon I'm stark raving insane again from the mosquitos, I'm slapping and wiping and throwing Argo parts around and growling, gnashing my teeth, foaming at the mouth, when I look up and there not 20 yds away is a great huge bull moose looking at me wondering if I'm another bull, or a cow.......either way he has designs on me, I can tell. Dilemma time, big time.......if I shoot him I will have to spend the night beside the mosquito infested slough instead of on a higher ridge with a bit of wind, if I don't shoot him and he's convinced I'm another bull I'm likely going to get beat up bad, or if he's convinced I'm a cow..........well I don't want to risk THAT......so I grab my 378 Wby and proceed to give him the obligatory 40 rounds from all angles until I'm sure he's dead and I have completely destroyed every ounce of edible meat except the eyelids, which I'll now have to skin and hang on the meat pole.
I must say I do feel better though, now that I have killed something besides my Argo. I spend the rest of the day trouble shooting the electrical problem and voila, I find it........my brand new 4 week old battery has shorted itself out and is toast, stone f**king dead. AAARRRRGGGG.
I feel insanity setting in again, so I decide to set up a nice camp, not get worked up into a dither, allow myself to cool off to the point the bug dope may stick and do it's job. After a bit I'm staring at a nice fire, full of freshly roasted over the open fire moose eyelids, a VERY strong whiskey in my hand and realize it's not all that bad. A couple more whiskeys later and I'm ready for bed.......everything will look better in the morning, right? Well in fact the next morning everything was still pretty much the same, Argo still broke, mosquitos still carnivorous and I have a bit of a hang over so I'm a little grumpy. Flash up the fire and make coffee, that's what is needed, right. I sip my coffee and plan my escape, I have come much better equipped this time and I'm quite proud of myself and feeling very confident in the outcome of the day. I finish my coffee, pack up camp and sit down beside the fire again and pull out my Satellite phone and GPS, I am ever so smart aren't I? I pull out my little list of numbers in my Sat phone kit and dial my favorite helicopter company..........have GPS in hand and awaiting the ring, Sat phones can have quite a delay...........RRRIIINNNGGGGG.............RRRIIINNNGGG..........." Good morning XYZ helicopters".............Ya is Dave there..........."One minute please"..................."Hello Dave here"..........Dave, it's Doug MacKrell here.............."What do YOU want?"..........Well, see my Argo is broken again...but wait, don't hang up....I have GPS coordinates and I'm on a perfect landing pad for you.........I'll need the big machine again, are you available today?................"Do you have a gun?"......Well ya I...CLICK...........
Dial back again and Dave answers the phone "Good morning XYZ helicopters"............Don't hang up on me I'm st........CLICK..........
Well maybe the morning ain't all that wonderful either..........I don't have any other helicopter company numbers on me so I call my wife and explain the problem, and get her to contact another helicopter company for me with a machine big enough to fetch my Argo. Anyway to shorten an already too long story, I spent another night along side the mosquito infested swamp while a grizzly sow and two cubs kept me awake all night chewing on the shattered remains of the moose and squabbling over tidbits. The next morning I awoke to an earth shattering WOP, WOP, WOP, WOP, WOP and rose just in time to have my tent flattened and blown away along with everything I owned under 20 lbs..............A huge helicopter settled into the meadow next to me, I was laying flat so as not to get sucked up into the rotors which blocked out the sun intermittently.......She wound down and the pilot hopped out with a big grin, not much wonder at $5000 / hr. He was a Kiwi and greeted me with "Morning Mate".......we gathered up the scattered gear and loaded everything into the helicopter..."Not supposed to be haulin' you and your hunting gear, against the law here ain't it?"..........Well, er I guess it is..........."No worries Mate, I'll drop your gear at the pit just out of town, have your Missus meet us there and then you and I will head in with just the Argo" I called the wife and made the necessary arrangements...........That afternoon, after a top up at the hospital, and feeling much better I fetched my Argo and took it to the dealer again and gave him a run down of my past three days at a decibel level that not only he wasn't comfortable with, neither were the other shops within a block radius. I informed him I had better not hear the words "Unwarrantable damage" and it had better get fixed right.
A week later they called and said it had all been gone over from end to end and everything was 110%.........oh and no charge!!! Sorry about the battery, these things happen. I went down and fetched my Argo and asked if they were paying for the next helicopter ride that, that Argo was going to cost me? "UHHHHH NO we can't do that", to which I replied that if this f**king thing broke down way back in the boonies again they better hope I die there. So what is the solution to my problem, I asked?...........their reply was that all the people they knew never went out into the boonies with only one machine, they always went with two............really? That's your answer.............now you know why I have $100,000 invested in moose hunting and own 2 Argos..........
My advice for new moose hunters is..............DON'T DO IT !!!! However if you absolutely must,...........buy two 8 wheeled Argos, with winches..........and always have at least 2 guys in the group under 35 years old............
Shoot it as many times as you have bullets.........through the front shoulders, lungs, neck, backstraps, hind quarters........everywhere.......... that way not only are you sure he's dead, you have next to no meat to pack out..........the eye lids are exceptionally good though. Never go after moose with less than 40 rounds on your person and shoot the biggest, most powerful, highest velocity magnum you can buy..........I prefer the 378 Wby with 235 Speers at about 4000 fps, this guarantees zero edible meat left after the required 40 rounds..........except eyelids of course. This also follows the need for the Argo, first to carry your stinking 20 lb rifle and ammo and second it will get way farther back, across creeks, rivers and sloughs and away from any other hunters who may have had a chance of finding you, before it beaks down.......AND IT WILL BREAK DOWN !!! This is why I have 2 Argos, so now I have close to $100,000 invested in moose hunting to end up with 4 oz of edible meat from each moose...........Now I know how your asking, "how can this bill come to $100,000"........well let me tell you...when you add in the 3 days walk out from where your first Argo broke down, shower, go to the hospital to get checked out to see if it is possible to survive 17 million mosquito bites in 3 days. Spend 3 days in hospital, because the doc doesn't recognize you as a human being from all the mosquito bites and to rehydrate you and replace the 7 pints of blood the mosquitos stole.........Then when you get out you have to hire a helicopter to go get your $25,000 Argo, only you fly around for 6 hrs @ 2000 bucks / hr because you really haven't got a clue where your Argo is after wandering aimlessly through swamps for 3 days and nights and because you weren't really paying attention when the Argo was running and you had full confidence in it..........You find your Argo.......finally..........to have your helicopter pilot tell you he can't land within 1/2 mile of it, so you land 1/2 mile away endure another hour of stumbling through the swamp, another 1/2 million mosquito bites (they're very glad to see you, and very grateful you got a refill) and don't forget another $2000 for the helicopter. You arrive at your Argo and the helicopter arrives 2 minutes later, with long line a hanging and you truss up the Argo and hook it to the long line...........Stupid helicopter won't lift it, he makes 2 feeble attempts, not wanting to pull more than 110% torque (pussy) and then waves off and drops the hookup and flies back the 1/2 mile to a landing spot. You are now frothing at the mouth, totally insane, covered in mosquitos and black flies, except where you covered in the most foul stinking black muck, and you realize why it's illegal for anyone but the pilot to carry a firearm in a helicopter in the Yukon.
After a modicum of sanity returns, you slog the 1/2 mile, 1 hour and $2000 helicopter dollars, back to where the nice clean well shaven, bug doped and insect free helicopter pilot is patiently waiting for you @ $2000 / hr, to fly you back to town where he just happens to have a bigger machine that will lift your Argo for only $3000 /hr. But today is now shot, so it's back up at first light and up you go in this new bigger and wonderful $3000/hr helicopter, today at least the pilot knows where the Argo is and your feeling refreshed from the 2 transfusions you had the previous evening to top you up for the coming day. Today it's only 2 hrs out to the Argo @ $3000/hr and he lands you in the same spot, you grind your teeth and slog the hour-1/2 mile through the swamp to your broken Argo. The mosquitos are equally glad to see you again and you're thankful for the top up the previous evening. You truss up the Argo and the helicopter shows up, long line adangling, you clip him up and he tugs hard on it but no joy, he can't break it loose from the suction of the mud and water. You are totally insane now and the helicopter pilot is afraid to land and talk to you, he decides to give it one last try, and you, in your insanity can see what the issue is so you grab the front bumper on the Argo and with super human strength, born out of your insanity and copious quantities of adrenaline flowing from thinking what you will do to that helicopter with you bare hands when you get a hold of it, heave the Argo skyward and break the water/mud suction and up she goes. The pilot is now absolutely terrified of you after witnessing what you just did, but he figures another hour in the swamp back to the landing site might calm you down enough to let you come aboard again. He loads his gun and has it handy along side his seat.
An hour and another $3000 later and another 1/2 million mosquito and black fly bites you're back to the landing site and you are too exhausted to kill the pilot, besides although a pilot yourself, you never learned to fly helicopters. You make a mental note to rectify that situation. Up, up and away you head for town with your $25,000 prize dangling some 50 feet below you, you fade out for an hour or so and awake just as Whitehorse comes into view around the side of the mountain. The pilot deftly moves in over his landing pad at the airport and places the Argo ever so gently beside his pad and lands. You're feeling tired and drained and ask if you can have the Argo picked up the next day, as you have to rush to the hospital for a couple more pints before you lose consciousness..........he agrees, cause he's still terrified and after watching you heave a 1000 lb Argo out of the mud and fling it skyward, he's not sure his survival gun is big enough.
So after a refill..... 3 more pints this time, apparently the local mosquitoes had invited relatives to the feast, knowing as long as that green blob was in the swamp they would be treated to a daily luncheon..... and a good sleep you fetch your Argo and take it in to the shop where you bought it a scant 2 weeks earlier. You are not happy and are quite willing to share your past 5 days with the owner at a decibel level which he finds quite uncomfortable. They agree to fix it and make sure all is in working condition for your next moose hunt in 2 weeks. Then comes the call that non warrantable repairs comes to $2200 but that it is, in fact, all checked out and ready to go............You feel insanity rising again...... The warrantable repairs came to $19.93 for the plugged fuel filter, which was plugged with plastic shavings from the installation of the filler spout in the tank. ......Well thank you very much...........Then he tells me it happens all the time and it would have been a good idea to have a spare filter with me............ no sh!t !!!!
Two weeks later I head out again, different spot over willows, through creeks and rivers and sloughs, way far back where I'm sure no man has ever been since the gold rush. Confident in my completely rebuilt 4 week old Argo with a whole 5 hours on it. I am a little smarter this trip, as I constantly look for good places to land a helicopter and I dart from one to the next one, always looking for another and possibly a moose as well. I whirr along being ever vigilant for that telltale antler tip, ear or tail flick. Stopping every mile or so to call, as it is now full rut, and listening intently for an answering grunt........nothing. I move further into the hinterland knowing I will see a huge bull any second............the Argo just up and coughs and quits. Still have 3/4 tank of fuel but nothing getting to the motor......HA HA I have another filter AND a spare fuel pump which was recommended by another Argo pioneer friend of mine. After an hour or so I have found the filter, changed it out, have fuel to the engine again and she fires right up............damn am I proud of myself !!! She whirrs along for several hours, stopping, calling, listening, move on, stop, call, listen, go to move on.........nothing, no click no whirr no nothing.......well this sure as hell ain't no fuel filter problem, however I am an electrician, so how hard can it be, it is obviously electrical. Oh ya and by the way I'm right beside a nice firm open meadow perfect for landing a helicopter........However I am also right alongside a big slough, perfect for hatching mosquitos, and I am covered.......again. As long as one is cruising along in the Argo the mosquitos don't bother you and you're not sweating so the bug dope does work when one stops to call..........that all changes when one has to disassemble an Argo in the middle of no where and the temp is 15 degrees, pretty soon the sweat is running and washing the bug dope off my face and behind my ears and the mosquitos are homing in on the bare patches causing me to wipe and create more bare patches. The little buggers are smart that way, pretty soon I'm stark raving insane again from the mosquitos, I'm slapping and wiping and throwing Argo parts around and growling, gnashing my teeth, foaming at the mouth, when I look up and there not 20 yds away is a great huge bull moose looking at me wondering if I'm another bull, or a cow.......either way he has designs on me, I can tell. Dilemma time, big time.......if I shoot him I will have to spend the night beside the mosquito infested slough instead of on a higher ridge with a bit of wind, if I don't shoot him and he's convinced I'm another bull I'm likely going to get beat up bad, or if he's convinced I'm a cow..........well I don't want to risk THAT......so I grab my 378 Wby and proceed to give him the obligatory 40 rounds from all angles until I'm sure he's dead and I have completely destroyed every ounce of edible meat except the eyelids, which I'll now have to skin and hang on the meat pole.
I must say I do feel better though, now that I have killed something besides my Argo. I spend the rest of the day trouble shooting the electrical problem and voila, I find it........my brand new 4 week old battery has shorted itself out and is toast, stone f**king dead. AAARRRRGGGG.
I feel insanity setting in again, so I decide to set up a nice camp, not get worked up into a dither, allow myself to cool off to the point the bug dope may stick and do it's job. After a bit I'm staring at a nice fire, full of freshly roasted over the open fire moose eyelids, a VERY strong whiskey in my hand and realize it's not all that bad. A couple more whiskeys later and I'm ready for bed.......everything will look better in the morning, right? Well in fact the next morning everything was still pretty much the same, Argo still broke, mosquitos still carnivorous and I have a bit of a hang over so I'm a little grumpy. Flash up the fire and make coffee, that's what is needed, right. I sip my coffee and plan my escape, I have come much better equipped this time and I'm quite proud of myself and feeling very confident in the outcome of the day. I finish my coffee, pack up camp and sit down beside the fire again and pull out my Satellite phone and GPS, I am ever so smart aren't I? I pull out my little list of numbers in my Sat phone kit and dial my favorite helicopter company..........have GPS in hand and awaiting the ring, Sat phones can have quite a delay...........RRRIIINNNGGGGG.............RRRIIINNNGGG..........." Good morning XYZ helicopters".............Ya is Dave there..........."One minute please"..................."Hello Dave here"..........Dave, it's Doug MacKrell here.............."What do YOU want?"..........Well, see my Argo is broken again...but wait, don't hang up....I have GPS coordinates and I'm on a perfect landing pad for you.........I'll need the big machine again, are you available today?................"Do you have a gun?"......Well ya I...CLICK...........
Dial back again and Dave answers the phone "Good morning XYZ helicopters"............Don't hang up on me I'm st........CLICK..........
Well maybe the morning ain't all that wonderful either..........I don't have any other helicopter company numbers on me so I call my wife and explain the problem, and get her to contact another helicopter company for me with a machine big enough to fetch my Argo. Anyway to shorten an already too long story, I spent another night along side the mosquito infested swamp while a grizzly sow and two cubs kept me awake all night chewing on the shattered remains of the moose and squabbling over tidbits. The next morning I awoke to an earth shattering WOP, WOP, WOP, WOP, WOP and rose just in time to have my tent flattened and blown away along with everything I owned under 20 lbs..............A huge helicopter settled into the meadow next to me, I was laying flat so as not to get sucked up into the rotors which blocked out the sun intermittently.......She wound down and the pilot hopped out with a big grin, not much wonder at $5000 / hr. He was a Kiwi and greeted me with "Morning Mate".......we gathered up the scattered gear and loaded everything into the helicopter..."Not supposed to be haulin' you and your hunting gear, against the law here ain't it?"..........Well, er I guess it is..........."No worries Mate, I'll drop your gear at the pit just out of town, have your Missus meet us there and then you and I will head in with just the Argo" I called the wife and made the necessary arrangements...........That afternoon, after a top up at the hospital, and feeling much better I fetched my Argo and took it to the dealer again and gave him a run down of my past three days at a decibel level that not only he wasn't comfortable with, neither were the other shops within a block radius. I informed him I had better not hear the words "Unwarrantable damage" and it had better get fixed right.
A week later they called and said it had all been gone over from end to end and everything was 110%.........oh and no charge!!! Sorry about the battery, these things happen. I went down and fetched my Argo and asked if they were paying for the next helicopter ride that, that Argo was going to cost me? "UHHHHH NO we can't do that", to which I replied that if this f**king thing broke down way back in the boonies again they better hope I die there. So what is the solution to my problem, I asked?...........their reply was that all the people they knew never went out into the boonies with only one machine, they always went with two............really? That's your answer.............now you know why I have $100,000 invested in moose hunting and own 2 Argos..........
