Morgayne, the BHP is an excellent choice for a lady. The SAS used it for years. It's still one of the most comfortable and compact high capacity guns you can carry and shoot, especially so for a lady.
If you're going to shoot it for a while then flip it buy used. If you're going to keep it for a good long while buy new. Buying used is a gamble, sometimes you luck out, other times you get stuck with a lemon that doesn't quite work right. Besides just looking you might want to shoot it and check for functioning, but that's not easily done. Round count isn't that easy to tell either, you have to have faith in what the seller is telling you. Otherwise you're stuck getting a gunsmith to look at it and will likely end up paying the same as new if it has to be fixed or if you need some parts (barrel) changed.
For a lady there aren't a whole lot of choices in guns that will fit your hand as nicely as the BHP, so I'd say buy once and buy new.
Also if you'd like to trim down the grip profile get some Spegel grips, they're thinner than the stock grips and really nice looking. Some Novak low profile sights make quite a difference too, as well as removing the magazine safety for a much better trigger pull and a commander style hammer. That's about all you need besides tons of ammo! Wait until you get into AR's then you can really start accessorizing


Here's a pic of my brothers,