Swaging increases bullet diameter, while drawing decreases it. I've never heard tha term "flaring" used in either context.
Since you plan to create a soft point bullet out of a full metal jacket, it seems that you're planning to reverse the bullet in the die and re-work it. You would need a swaging die and press to do this. both of which are expensive and require a lot of lead time to order and receive.
I have a series II press that generates up to 130,000 psi of swaging pressure and a Walnut hill press that can produce up to 180,000 psi. The more substantial Walnut Hill system would probably be better for this job.
As was mentioned above, 45 thou is an awful lot to bump and re-form a bullet - usually its done with only a few thou of change. Also, the jackets of your 9mm bullets may be work hardened to a point where they'd split when you try such an operation.
If I were you, I'd consult one of the Corbins (preferably Richard) before putting any money or time into this project.