In the last days before we were married, there were lots of my wife's friends around all the time - bridesmaids and other friends having great fun planning and preparing for the wedding. On more than one occasion I heard them talking about that antiquated custom of taking their husband's name. Her married friends had all kept their maiden names and she assured them that she was going to, too.
I couldn't put my finger on why, but that really bugged me. I woke up one morning with a full understanding of what it was that was bugging me. So, we sat down just the two of us and I asked her, "When you were a little girl, did you ever play house?' Yes. "Did you ever pretend to get married when you played house?" Yes. "Did you pretend to have a beautiful wedding dress and a humungous diamond ring?" Again, yes.
So I said, "When I was young and I thought about the woman I'd marry, there were no expensive clothes or jewelry or anything else. The only thing I wanted was a wife who cared enough about me to take my name. How would you feel if I said that dresses and rings are nothing but outdated traditions and useless symbolism? What if I said, baby I love you but lets forget the dress and the ring and the church wedding and just get married - that's all that really matters?"
Her face said it all. It was as if I had learned to speak venusian. The next day I overheard a conversation where she told her friends all about why she had decided to take my name. It sounded like it was her idea in the first place. Ever since then, we've made a point of not fighting over the small stuff and making sure we make it clear when something is important to either one of us. Neither of us ever has to put up with flack from the other. I keep it reasonable and I can go hunting whenever I want (short notice not usually a good idea, though).
I guess you gotta understand yourself before you can expect someone else to understand you.
SS
