Subject: Hunting Regs
>
> As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot
> by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations Regarding the
> Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks &
> Wildlife Commission.
>
>
>
> Sec 370.01
>
> Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may
> also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport(non-commercial)
> purposes.
> Sec 370.02
> Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of
> United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
> Sec 370.03
> Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department
> inspection for rabies and vermin.
> Sec 370.04
> The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited,
> unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse.
> If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead
> attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed
> immediately to the nearest car wash.
> Sec 370.05
> It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat,
> helicopter or aircraft.
> Sec 370.06
> It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for
> the purposes of trapping attorneys.
> Sec 370.07
> It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or
> Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoon.
> Sec 370.08
> It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law
> libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels except on
> Saturday and Sunday.
> Sec 370.09
> If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a
> license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess the same.
> Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with the
> choke removed, high powered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types and
> kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning is prohibited because of the
> danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes and skunks.
> Sec 370.10
> It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug
> dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie,
> physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting
> attorneys.
> Sec 370.11
> Bag and Possession Limits per day:
> Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2
> Two-faced tortfeasors, 1
> Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3
> Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2
> Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4
> Sec 370.12
> Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act and can
> normally be identified because they do not wear Rolex watches, drive a
> Porsche, BMW or other expensive luxury automobile or wear $500 shoes and
> $1500 suits.
>
>
> As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot
> by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations Regarding the
> Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks &
> Wildlife Commission.
>
>
>
> Sec 370.01
>
> Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may
> also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport(non-commercial)
> purposes.
> Sec 370.02
> Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of
> United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
> Sec 370.03
> Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department
> inspection for rabies and vermin.
> Sec 370.04
> The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited,
> unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse.
> If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead
> attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed
> immediately to the nearest car wash.
> Sec 370.05
> It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat,
> helicopter or aircraft.
> Sec 370.06
> It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for
> the purposes of trapping attorneys.
> Sec 370.07
> It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or
> Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoon.
> Sec 370.08
> It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law
> libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels except on
> Saturday and Sunday.
> Sec 370.09
> If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a
> license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess the same.
> Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with the
> choke removed, high powered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types and
> kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning is prohibited because of the
> danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes and skunks.
> Sec 370.10
> It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug
> dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie,
> physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting
> attorneys.
> Sec 370.11
> Bag and Possession Limits per day:
> Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2
> Two-faced tortfeasors, 1
> Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3
> Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2
> Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4
> Sec 370.12
> Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act and can
> normally be identified because they do not wear Rolex watches, drive a
> Porsche, BMW or other expensive luxury automobile or wear $500 shoes and
> $1500 suits.
>
