And in those days there was Violence and Man set against Man;
Much nastiness and ill-will filled the air.
And the Boer Mauser beat the snot out of the lowly Lee-Metford
And then got its butt handed to it by the new legions of Lee-Enfields
But the Casualty Lists were too high, even after taking off
Those Dead From Disease.
And so the Boffins of Enfield set them down upon their fundaments and
Considered the Boer Mauser for many days and many nights
And for many crates of Bully Beef and countless cups of Tea
And they said unto Them, Oh fellow Boffins of Enfield
Oh devotees of Snider and Martini and Speed and James Paris Lee,
This Boer Mauser is INDEED a Formidable Weapon
For VERILY it hath near to shot our pants off!
But we must counter it, saith the Eldest Boffin
And all nodded their heads in agreement for
The Eldest Boffin is always right and you must know that
Should you wish to remain employed long enough
To collect your Pension.
But what can we do, asked the Medium-management Boffin
For we have only now brought the Lee-Enfield
To its Ultimate Perfection as a Short rifle
And it is too short and the long-range target shooters WILL rail at it
And execrate it and berate it and belittle it for a light-barreled abortion of a thing
And complain of it most bitterly and for many years, yea years without number.
It lacketh an Aperture Sight but verily we CAN fix that
But that Boer Cartridge is better at long range!
Ah, saith the Eldest Boffin, Also can we fix that
With a lighter Bullet of our own
But we must look more carefully into
Our Balls of Crystal and ascertain for certain
What would be the BEST and Finest and Greatest Bolt Rifle of All Time
And THAT is what now we shall design.
And so the Beefing-up began and also likewise did the
Experimenting with ammunition and the determining
That Ballistic PERFECTION was to be attained with a Bullet
Of Two-Seventy-Six bore diameter, The same, Saith the Eldest Boffin,
As that Canadian THING accursed, unnamed,
THAT which hath taken each and every single Record
Which it is possible to take at Bisley and verily we shall go forth
To stealing and plundering the designs of Charles Ross who hath
Left the Mother Country and found SUCCESS and Renown
As a mere Colonial.
And so the Ninety-five Mauser begat the Pattern of 1913
And the Pattern of 1913 begat the Pattern of 1914 yea a .303
And the Pattern of 1914 begat the Pattern of 1914*
And the Pattern of 1914* begat the US Model of 1917
(Although it was a mere 30-'06) and in its millions
And the US Model of 1917 begat the Remington 30S
And the Remington 30S begat the Remington 30 Express
And the Remington 30 Express begat the 1934 which was destined for Honduras
And it begat also the 725 and the 720 and even the 721
And the 722 its smaller Brother, all which showed the way to the 700.
And in New Haven also the Model of 1917 begat its progeny
Beginning with the Winchester 54 which begat the Winchester Model 70
Which was made into the million and was changed somewhat in 1964
And then changed back again and remaineth in production unto this very day.
And so the entire American sporting rifle industry
Was begat by the insignificant and long-forgot Boer Mauser
Lo! these many years after the Americans told Paul Mauser
That they had no need of his Art.
And that is the Lesson for this evening.
Book of Armaments, Chapter 95.
