Also the wife may want to shoot again. So a light recoiling load would be best for her. She does have a semi auto 20ga.
This discussion has been mostly about what constitutes a light load. But, when it comes to recoil, there are additional factors. Probably the most significant of these additional factors is the weight of the gun. In addition to the shells that she might use, your wife can reduce felt recoil significantly by choosing a heavier 20 gauge rather than a lighter one (Or, by adding weight to any that she already has. If considering this option, endeavor to maintain the proper balance of the gun by evenly distributing any added weight.)
Needless to say, proper gun fit and a functional decelerator pad also deserve your attention.
As you probably already know, all things being equal, the semi-auto action is the best design for absorbing some of the energy.
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