Wiped ass with birchbark...hoop still sore...

You've never lived until you have had to squat down under a log trailer in a line up waiting to get loaded at the loader, back up against the airlift axle trying to balance yourself with one hand on the frame @ -30. I bet when I pulled ahead after to take my turn at the loader the guy in the truck behind wondered what that funny looking pile was on the snow covered bush road in his headlights!
 
just got got drivin down the road. i didnt need that set of directions anyway. lessoned learn tp is now being carried at all times in the truck

i remember hearing a story that im sure was on here about someone ****ting outside while camping and then coming back into the warm tent......anyone else remember hearing the same story?
 
Boonie Boy said:
I used to carry a pack of these from the dollar store but forgot to replace them last time - btw, they were printed with a copy of the $100 bill. I always imagined some other hunter diving into my turd pile with both hands thinking he had just found some serious cash in the bush...
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When we used to go pine mushroom picking up in northern bc, some times my aunts and uncles would mess with each other by crapping in the woods and then covering it with tp and put a bit of moss over top so it looked like a pine mushroom...
More than once we've been at camp and had one of them come stomping back into camp demanding who'd left them a "present" in the woods hahaha.
 
Boonie Boy said:
Headed out for whitetail this morning and didn't have even a scrap of teepee with me...inevitable - as soon as I got to my spot, I had to dump. It was either crunchy frozen oak leaves or strips of birchbark...I'll never complain about the sandpaper we have for toilet paper at work again...
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Gangrene will set in soon.
 
How is this for a true story. A co-worker had just parked his 5th wheel in preparation for our pronghorn hunt, and he needed a dump bad. We were parked in primitive camping area with no toilets, so he did his business in the grass not far from the 5th wheel. Realizing how unsightly the toilet parer was, he decided to burn it. Unfortunately ,he didn't count on the grass catching fire. Myself and his father in law were unpacking gear when we heard the yelling, so we came running just as he got the fire out. He was still shaking , as he was telling us what happened, and then he became angry when we started laughing out loud. He was annoyed that we were laughing, because he had almost burned down his truck, and his 5th wheel. Then his father in law pointed out that we were laughing because he had crap all over his shoes from stamping out the fire.
 
Some of my buddies were hunting elk, and one was dropping a deuce when the the other buddy saw an elk approaching. Buddy didn't bother wiping, pulled up his pants grabbed his gun and killed the elk!!
 
Boonie Boy said:
Headed out for whitetail this morning and didn't have even a scrap of teepee with me...inevitable - as soon as I got to my spot, I had to dump. It was either crunchy frozen oak leaves or strips of birchbark...I'll never complain about the sandpaper we have for toilet paper at work again...
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HAAHAHAHAAAAA ! ! !!! pOOR BUGGER! At least you didn't do like my dumb@ssed father did, he somehow wiped his @ass with a devil's club leaf. The screams were not of this earth, let me tell you ! ! The emerg doc just didn't know what to say, handed it off to an intern and left just shaking her head in amazement.
 
kamlooky said:
Dear lawrd........
Don't you wear a t-shirt?
You must pack a hunting knife?
Get creative.
I would be willing to bet that squirrel bit yer arse.
That'll teach ya........ :D
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As if scraping yourself clean with a razor sharp hunting knife is a better solution. Geez, try and post something useful!! ;)
 
I think I over-compensated today - took everything that wasn't deemed "necessary" like latex gloves, zip ties, lighter, mittens, energy bars, etc and replaced them with napkins, kleenex, and teepee in anticipation of "The Big One"...

Didn't happen...whole lot of fartin' around in the bush, but no productivity...same goes for the deer hunting...
 
LOL...a buddy of mine told a similar story but he used Devils club leaves... most likely way more painfull than birch bark. Myself I've sacrificed socks, and tee-shirts... no pain involved.
 
1899 said:
As if scraping yourself clean with a razor sharp hunting knife is a better solution. Geez, try and post something useful!! ;)
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No, he means cut your underware off or a chunk of your shirt to wipe the area!!! Wow, people that have never been there! done that!!!!!!

Woops just looked at the location and post count, MMMMMM my bad!! Wrong context.
 
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