off topic but time for some sunday humor
this reminds me of the opening scene in good will hunting
The bar is dirty, more than a little run down. If there is
ever a cook on duty, he's not here now. As we pan across
several empty tables, we can almost smell the odor of last
nights beer and crushed pretzels on the floor.
CHUCKIE
Oh my God, I got the most ####ed up
thing I been meanin' to tell you.
ALL
Oh Jesus. Here we go.
CHUCKIE
You guys know my cousin Mikey Sullivan?
ALL
Yeah.
CHUCKIE
Well you know how he loves animals
right? Anyway, last week he's drivin'
home...
(laughs)
ALL
What? Come on!
CHUCKIE
(trying not to laugh)
I'm sorry, 'cause you know Mikey, the
####in guy loves animals, and this is
the last person you'd want this to
happen to.
WILL
Chuckie, what the #### happened?
CHUCKIE
Okay. He's driving along and this
####in' cat jumps in front of his car,
and so he hits this cat--
Chuckie is really laughing now.
MORGAN
--That isn't funny--
CHUCKIE
--and he's like "####! Mother####er!"
And he looks in his rearview and
sees this cat-- I'm sorry--
BILLY
####in' Chuckie!
CHUCKIE
So he sees this cat tryin to make it
across the street and it's not lookin'
so good.
WILL
It's walkin' pretty slow at this point.
MORGAN
You guys are ####in' sick.
CHUCKIE
So Mikey's like "####, I gotta put
this thing out of its misery"--So he
gets a hammer--
WILL/MORGAN/BILLY
OH!
CHUCKIE
--out of his tool box, and starts
chasin' the cat and starts whackin' it
with the hammer. You know, tryin' to
put the thing out of its misery.
MORGAN
Jesus.
CHUCKIE
And all the time he's apologizin' to
the cat, goin' "I'm sorry." BANG,
"I'm sorry." BANG!
BILLY
Like it can understand.
CHUCKIE
And this Samoan guy comes runnin'
out of his house and he's like "What
the #### are you doing to my cat?!"
Mikey's like "I'm sorry"--BANG--" I hit
your cat with my truck, and I'm just
trying to put it out of it's misery"--
BANG! And the cat dies. So Mikey's
like "Why don't you come look at the
front of the truck." 'Cause the other
guy's all ####in flipped out about--
WILL
Watching his cat get brained.
Morgan gives Will a look, but Will only smiles.
CHUCKIE
Yeah, so he's like "Check the front of
my truck, I can prove I hit it 'cause
there's probably some blood or
something"--
WILL
--or a tail--
MORGAN
WILL!
CHUCKIE
And so they go around to the front of
his truck...and there's another cat on
the grille.
WILL/MORGAN/BILLY
No! Ugh!
CHUCKIE
Is that unbelievable? He brained an
innocent cat!