Dear Sir,
We here at NRCan would be delighted to suck your balls, however, you need to follow the correct procedure. It's not possible for you to jump to the head of the ball-sucking queue without proper approval and the required permits.
Please find below the necessary steps you need to take:
1) Fill out form NUT-SLAP (NRCan Useless Testing - Sack Licking Approval Procedure)
2) Submit the form filled out completely. Please include a detailed history of your balls, including date and location of manufacture, usage, and composition.
3) Along with the NUT-SLAP, include a sample of your balls. Sample to be at least a 2 cubic cm piece of the balls you wish to have approved.
4) Include the required application fee.
5) Wait. At NRCan we pride ourselves on being thorough and will suck no balls before we are happy with the results of our testing.
*NOTE* Should your balls fail the testing procedure you will be required to surrender them to NRCan no later than 1 week after being notified in writing of the test results.
Have a nice day, and we look forward to receiving your NUT-SLAP.
NRCan