A Moose with a wiper blade !!!!

couple buddies of mine left my house around 3 am after a party. i'm just crawling into bed and i get a phone call. they'd come across a possum in the subdivision. buddy drove over it in the PT Cruiser, then backed over it again. other buddy hopped out and beat the thing across the road and back again with his collapsible police baton. he ended up beating it up some poor shmuck's driveway and leaving it on the front step. the whole time he's telling me the this on the phone, he kept giggling and i could hear my other buddy howling with laughter in the background. we crack up every time we retell the story. the baton is actually bent a bit from hitting the damn thing. probably hit the ground a few times as well.
 
Several years ago a rather small deer was hit by a rather large BC Government Medivac airplane on Vancouver Island while landing...the plane was a twin engine prop and although capable of carrying 12 passengers its Medivac set up was just for 2 stretchers and 2 seats for the Paramedics..ineteresting with in a day e-mail jokes were flying one I recall had the outside decal that said "ministry of health " "x"d over and MINISTRY OF DEATH pensiled in.. bent prop and blood in copious amounts down the side of the plane with small scraps of meat and hair..Happily no humans were injured in the making of the incident.....
 
German shepherd with a mitten.

You older guys, remember when you were a kid and your mom dressed you up in those one piece winter suits? Well, me and my two sisters were out one winter (I think I was 9 or 10) playing in the front yard, and the neighbors German Shepherd got loose and came at me. The thing was a vicious B&*tard, probably due to the way the guy treated it. The only thing I remember was putting my hands up in front of me and then being shaken all about. When it stopped, I had a dead dog on the end of my arm, and my arm was down its' throat up to maybe mid-arm. I was freaked out of my mind, not to mention the screaming my sisters were doing.

Looking back at it now, I figure when it charged me, I somehow managed to end up jamming my hand into its mouth (purely by luck). As it was thrashing me about, my mitten came off and slipped and stuck in it's throat, and it teeth just stuck up in the cloth of that old suit. My parents called the cops, they called an ambulance, and they proceeded to cut the things jaw off and then slice down its throat to get my arm out. All the while, the son of a b*&#h from next door was screaming that he was gonna sue us for killing his dog. My dad and the cop finally both turned around and told him that he better got off my parents property, and that if he didn't shut up, my dad would lay charges for attempting to kill me. The guy shut up pretty fast and stalked off.

To this day, I have a huge fear of German Shepherds. I fully appreciate those one piece winter suits, though. The one I was wearing had the arm shredded all to hell, but at least my arm wasn't torn up like it was.
 
On the way to work I found a mulie fawn hit in the ditch but not dead. I stopped the first truck and asked if she had a gun.She replied "No but I have an FAC" . I killed the poor bugger with an axe. As I was walking back to my truck I realized I had a crowd of onlookers watching me, I felt like an axe murderer.----Cowboy
 
My uncle was trying to chase a particularly stubborn steer into a loading chute using a four inch thick fence post to prod it along. After about ten tries the steer made on more break for it and ran past my uncle with it's head going right through the strike zone. Home run! He was skinning the steer a while later when the manager comes along and asks what the heck is going on and was told that the steer had died of "hammeritis". Manager gave the tiniest little grin and walked away.
 
A buddies dad smacked a deer a while back with his car and only managed a cripple. He proceeded to draw his hunting knife and commence to throat slittin'. He got the job done, but in the middle of Red Deer, about 300 yds from a very busy farmers market, and in heavy traffic. He got a few interesting looks there. He later ran for mayor.
 
I drove through a flock of tweety birds a few years ago and one went straight into the grill.

I figured awwwww man that's going to be a mess on the rad so I stopped to dig it out before this started drying up on a hot radiator.

Well the little #### was just wedged in between the bottom of the grill and the bumper. I pulled him out and he flew away.

Didn't die but it was cool anyway.
 
Well if you read my partridge come back to life story, and rabbit with a snow scraper, than the moose with a wiperblade will be a let down.

I was berry picking one day when I was about 12. It was home in Newfoundland, blueberries in the fall. I had just about filled my bucket and out of the corner of my eye I saw a big , very big bull moose. He was watching me very closely. I got a bit scared and started to back away slowly, hoping inch by inch, foot by foot, I'd creep back to the hpuse which was about 700 or 800 yrds away.

Also out in these berry bushes was decent 4x4 bath. I was standing on the path shaking. I'd go left, the moose went left. I'd go right, the moose would go right. He was scuffing the ground and making quick little runs towards me and then stop solid. Maybe only coming 5 or 6 feet closer each time.

In newfoundland berry picking is quite big and there is demand for them. I had what is known as a picker. A steel scoop like a shovel, with a handle, and teeth like a comb. I stumbled around after falling down from walking backwards and had my picker ready to jab the moose in the face. I found a wiper blade on the ground where I had fallen,. with wiper balse in one hand, and picker in the other, I got up and started running home. The moose gave chase with several big snorts.

about 80 yrds from my house themoose got in between me and the basement door. We have a picnic table in the backyard just beyond the door.

I'd heard that if you hit anything, even a polar bear behind the ear, it would go down. This was my plan. I'd run, jump on the table, and being a little higher than the mooses head I'd be able to hit him with some good force with my picker. Meanwhile I still had the wiper blade in my hand.

I ran or the picnic table and jumped up. at this point I could have saddled and rode the damn moose. He was right there. I took the picker and swung with all I had, and long before my arm reached full force and speed to deliver the fatal blow, the picker hit his antlers and vibrated out of my hand.
I did not think, I did not blink, I simply reacted.... I rose up wit the wiper blade, swung my arms out at full span, fists with palms facing up, and the wiper blade gripped tightly with my right fist. I drew them together with all my might driving the wiperblade in through the mooses ear canal, and he immediately dropped. He groaned and rolled around and I ran in the house and got dads shotgun. Dad was a bird hunter and all I could grab was his hunting bag, shotgun, and whatever shells were in the bag.

I ran out to the moose and put the gun with number 7.5 shotgun shells on him. I did not fire a shot, the moose was already dead. Dad got home within a space of 5 minutes after that, and here is me in the yard with his gun and a dead moose. He almost lost it, and all I could do was muumer the words through my snot and tears,"I,I I, killed it with the Wiper blade not your stupid gun" He was amazed, and actually though I had still shot it and put a wiper in it's ear. After about an hour and the Wildlife officers and the local newpaper, it was clear the moose was not shot. We were not allowed to keep the moose cause the Wildlife wanted to run tests on it to see why it was going so close to me and followed me rather then just running away.
 
Okay I got a story from the fall of about 2001 or so, in Cold Lake Alberta, Silverback (god bless him, he just reminded me of this!)
Anyways a fellow deer hunter, who will remain nameless and not a CGN person by the way, went deer hunting with me.

It was on a snowy saturday, and this private farm property, that he had secured permission to hunt, had a nice mix of forests and grain fields, not far from Bonnyville.

It turned out to be and uneventful afteroon/early evening hunt for me, but about 1 hour from sundown I heard a nearby single rifle shot.

As we split up, I mused this had to be my hunting partner & perhaps he was successful!

Its now last light, and I dutifully unload my rifle at the correct time, and trudge back to his truck for the drive home. I fully expect to see and help him drag a deer to the bed of his truck.

About 200 meters from the truck, in the twilight I see that my friend is being questioned by some-one, and correctly assume this is a CO.

My assumption is correct, and upon arriving at the truck, I too in turn am asked to prove my rifle safe, and display by tag & licence.

Of course, no sweat, and soon the CO leaves us and we pack up into the cab of his truck for the ride home.

I sense something is wrong, because my partner is reluctant to leave.
I finally after a minute or two, get to ask what the shot was about?

(he may or may not have mentioned the result of the rifle shot to the CO, I never got the full details of what, exactly he said to the CO about this)

Well this fella had shot at a coyote, that he seen in the bush near his groundblind. Okay...where is it, I ask?

Suddenly he blurts out the truth, he believes he has hit it, BUT is Not sure!

Damn I reply, we must check it out and ensure it is properly demised!
I finally convince him to go back to the spot where he shot it, and in the light of our flashlights, there is the poor bugger, dragging it's rear feet in the snow, he struck it in its hips!

Damn! Now its fully dark, and the fool must put him out of his misery, like RIGHT NOW!

So I hand him a large tree root I broke off, as he & I are unsure/reluctant to fire a rifle shot in the full darkness, which are now encased and in the truck as they should be!

Yes its CAVEMAN TIME! And I will always remember this foolish escapade.

On the trip home he apologized profusely, and asked me not to tell his wife about this incident!

We never again did hunt together after that....

When he moved from the area a few of us who knew him, almost gave him a plack with a heavy tree branch screwed to the base....and a brass plate with his name and date of incident on it!
 
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Cat with shovel and chick with pipe

When my grandmother was 91 she cornered a groundhog in her vegetable garden and killed it with a piece of pipe. Grandma was an old country girl that didn't take no #### from no varmint.

I heard this story some years ago, it seems that a flight engineer from Trenton was driving out to the "county" one night when he felt a bump under his tires. Looking in the rear view he saw a cat flipping around in the dark, after stopping his truck and walking back he sees a cat in an painful position and making a horrible noise. He takes a shovel out of his truck and quickly puts the cat out of it's misery just as an old woman looks out to see why a truck has stopped on the road and see's someone with a shovel killing her cat. She is obviously upset and calls the police which arrive and try to ascertain the situation. After getting the story from the FE the OPP officer tells him to go stand by his truck while he calms down the woman. When the FE goes to the front of his truck there in the headlights is the dead tomcat that he ran over and the realisation that the cat in "distress" was a female in heat!!! He quietly slid it into the ditch.


270 totheend
 
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