Yep. You don't pay for the ### - You pay for the convenience of them leaving peacefully after the ###!
It's not so much who has the better Lawyer but more-so who can afford the fight longer! That is the purpose of divorce lawyers - to keep you fighting until the moneys all gone - The change from "You have an easy case" to a strong recommendation that you to settle comes when there is only just enough left to pay their fees. They will fight you until you are broke and it can take years of your life that you will never get back. It is MUCH cheaper in the long run to settle but you have to look at your relationship as cutting losses on a bad investment and overlook who did what. There is a very expensive lesson in learning that nobody cares (including the courts) who cheated.
I agree with most - as soon as she (or me) is out of the house I would be moving ALL my firearms to a legitimate (read documentable) safe storage without easy access. I would also place a call into the firearms marshal informing them that I was intending to do so and possibly why - probably need an ATT for restricted anyway. This is the reality of your situation until your divorce is settled. I would be doing so without my x's knowledge. That way if she does succumb to the temptation of malice as they very often do - it will be them on the hook for filing false reports since I would have documentation to prove I secured my firearms long ago
before the police start banging on my door.
Other Tidbits I learned . . .
- If I had concerns that she might claim I was a drug addict I would simply have a current drug test on hand in preparation.
- If you have considerable assets to divide, please attempt to do so through mediation - there are many in the phone book. This is your cheapest way out and it cannot be used in court if it fails. Really try to make this work. If mediation fails do not discuss division of assets in writing without assistance from legal counsel. If you do be certain that "Without Prejudice" proceeds every communication. Lawyers do this so that communications cannot be used as agreements in court. After the lawyers are involved you will be spending lots of money to argue over keeping whats left of your money.
- Household Assets are not worth spending money to fight over. The court regards the value of these things as yard sale value only. It doesn't matter if the TV is only a month old or the leather couches cost $3k. Yard sale value only and possession is 9/10s of the law here but if you leave your kids in an empty house that makes you a scumbag and the courts will treat you as such.
- If you are leaving the residence - do not do so without all documentation of ownerships, titles, deeds, debts, account numbers etc. Do not assume you will be able to return to get momentos or personal belongings. They probably won't be there and you will have to prove they were. Good luck.
- Get a credit check on your own name and find out exactly what access to credit you have against you. Lock down EVERY form of credit that your X can run up and stick you with. She could use credit cards applied for in the mail in your name to pay for the lawyer who will crucify you. It has happened before and after it does you will have to spend a lot more money to get that money back. Drop the credit limits of all joint accounts as much as the balance will allow. Close the ones which you are able to.
- In Canada, RRSPs are personal Investment Plans and are
normally not divisible. Pension Plans however
are divisible and if your X is a government employee you can file a request to have their pension amounts disclosed of which you are entitled to half under the Marital Assets Act.
- Property or assets that are inherited
are not divisible under the Marital Assets Act so that 100 acres of woodlot that was left to you by your grandfather is safe.
- Restrict communication to E-Mail only. A cell phone may be a permissible exception where a call history can be easily proven to courts or police if need be. Do not write or say anything that you would not say out loud in court. It is usually best to write your response and re-read it the next day before you send it. Resist the temptation to accuse or name-call. There should be no response to arguments; only respond to reasonable questions and only ask reasonable questions - the communications are VERY important. If your communications read sweet you will appear sweet.
- Do not set a precedent that you do not intend to keep - i.e. if you separate and you begin giving your X $$ every month because you feel like you should; when you end up in court they could see it as keeping status quo and you could be on the hook for monthly payments for a looong time. If you need to help your X financially do so by cheque with "Loan" written in the memo. You don't have to collect on the loan but you won't get stuck appearing to agree with alimony either.
- Do not allow circumstance where you could be alone with your X if they are becoming hostile to the separation.
- NEVER sign a quit claim on any property until you are legally removed from the debt of the same and until you are in legal possession of whatever you have settled for as compensation for the same.
A hassel? Sure. But much less so that losing your collection, your license, reputation at least until the divorce is settled which could literally take years.
My X and her loser boyfriend called the police claiming I was stalking her when she saw my car at my kids school in the AM. When the police followed up with me she looked like a complete douche when I produced the receipt for my kids cafeteria lunches - which was the purpose for my being there in the first place. She was given VERY strong advice from police about reporting false claims for the purpose of gaining advantage in family court and was advised she could be held liable for damages as a result of the same.
Be suspicious, X's can be very copacetic in the beginning but that could be because they have already spoke with a lawyer and are maneuvering to ambush you. You don't truly know someone until you try to separate from them.
