.338 WM
....sits in the cabinet with whisps of smoke coming from the muzzle; when you open the bolt you hear a low growl.....if a warm blooded creature comes within 5 km, the rifle quivers and tries to turn toward it; the operator must have a solid grip, as these rifles often go on uncontrolled killing sprees all by themselves. When fired, bystanders are deafened and incidental grass fires should be put out immediately....this step can sometimes be avoided as the shot is often followed by a brief but sudden cloudburst.
.300 WM
...sits in the cabinet and softly hums the theme from Sesame Street. You'll notice the faint smell of rose water, and honey or strawberry syrup is often found dripping from the action. Most often wears a pink stock, and doesn't shoot well at all unless it has a ribbon tied around the barrel in a lovely big bow. When fired, instead of "BANG" it goes "Awwwww....!"
.375 Ruger
Sits in the cabinet mumbling to itself with drool dripping from the action. If you listen carefully it seems to be whining "I wannabe, I wannabe, I wannabe".....if taken from the cabinet, the barrel often droops and the stock gets soft and limp....if an animal is sighted the operator must hang on especially tight lest the rifle escape and start creeping back to the cabinet. When fired, instead of "BANG" it goes "poof"....preferred load is a Gerbers soother over 15 grains of Pablum.
