Would you hide a loan from your wife to buy a gun?

If you feel justified in buying the gun, (as in she buys stuff for herself in that price range without you losing it) then have the balls to tell her about it then buy it. Being sneaky is never good, man up and talk to her, you might be surprised
 
rral22 said:
http://www.globalnews.ca/story.html?id=4111554

It seems to be a practice that is destructive of relationships. Maybe it is just an indication of an already dysfunctional relationship.
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Well.......that article could certainly incite some spousal rage. Equating ###ual infidelity with financial infidelity is wrong (yeah, I think it implies that), unless you're talking about improvident depletions or fraudulent conveyances to family, friends, girlfriend or boyfriend or the financial maintenance of girlfriend or boyfriend on the side in order to shift marital assets elsewhere to the benefit of one spouse, but not the other.

If ADK purchases a rifle unbeknownst to his spouse, she still maintains an interest in that rifle as a marital asset. If you want to reach that far, a spouse's failure to have ### on a regular basis or in accordance with the other spouse's expectations, squandering their body from their spouse could be construed as infidelity. How about unfairly manipulating a spouse into providing resources at their personal expense for the future well-being of the other or other's children? Women generallly are, masters of manipulation and deception - what about that? Infidelity?

IMO, any spouse that would divorce because the other spouse failed to inform the other of their purchase is just looking for an excuse. Why delay the inevitable?
 
promac said:
Well.......that article could certainly incite some spousal rage. Equating ###ual infidelity with financial infidelity is wrong, unless you're talking about improvident depletions or fraudulent conveyances to family, friends, girlfriend or boyfriend or the financial maintenance of girlfriend or boyfriend on the side in order to shift marital assets elsewhere to the benefit of one spouse, but not the other.

If ADK purchases a rifle unbeknownst to his spouse, she still maintains an interest in that rifle as a marital asset. If you want to reach that far, a spouse's failure to have ### on a regular basis or in accordance with the other spouse's expectations, squandering their body from their spouse could be construed as infidelity. How about unfairly manipulating a spouse into providing resources at their personal expense for the future well-being of the other or other's children?

IMO, any spouse that would divorce because the other spouse failed to inform the other of their purchase is just looking for an excuse. Why delay the inevitable?
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Well, maybe. Or maybe it's just not right to lie. I think I heard that somewhere.
 
rral22 said:
Well, maybe. Or maybe it's just not right to lie. I think I heard that somewhere.
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No, it's not right to lie. However, I don't believe the OP intended to lie - only fail to disclose. "Don't ask, and I won't lie." Trying to conceal the purchase is sneaky and deceptive, but so is a woman's manipulation. I wonder what the OP's spouse failed to disclose when she suggested he wait until after the cruise to purchase the rifle? Why is the wife so intent on saving? Has she disclosed all her long-term financial goals? Some women are misers (a self interest) - hoarding money at your spouses expense doesn't seem right either. There's a lot more to life than hoarding money. How can you put a price on the enjoyment a coveted rifle will bring for many years to come.
 
No way, if you can afford it and it's your money, just buy it and tell her. Would you be more pissed if she blew 1500 on some toy or if she hid it from you?

I'm lucky, my gi supports my hobby, she even bought my range membership and a script to Guns n Ammo for me!
 
If you can find a way to deal with spending in a marriage, you're well on your way to a happy and long one.

With my wife, I have a set budget for spending on guns etc. It works because I get to save up for stuff and look forward to it, but am still able to meet financial obligations etc. My wife doesn't have to stress about me spending all our money on toys. As we get more money, I can always increase the budget. It also allows me to be open with her about my purchases and share that part of my life with her. I find it works well for us.

One of my friends spends on guns behind his wife's back. He buys a gun a month almost. Not sure how it works, but I can't see it working for long.

It's definitely something that needs to be worked out for a happy relationship, however that may be.
 
Either way $1500 is a lot of money IMO to spend on a toy without sitting down and talking about it. He doesn't need it and it doesn't improve the family in anyway. No matter what it's still a lot of money to spend.

Not telling her is pretty much going to lead to issue of trust.
 
promac said:
No, it's not right to lie. However, I don't believe the OP intended to lie - only fail to disclose.
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You can't be serious! Please. I haven't heard anything like this since my kids were 12, and trying to convince me they hadn't lied to us.

The rest of that post is hypothetical speculation in an attempt to rationalize an excuse to lie.

My last post will be a quote.

"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all."
-- Edmund Burke
 
Happy wife is happy life, but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness. I've talked this over with my girlfriend, and we believe happy finances for when we're married is quite simple:

Dump all our pay into a shared account. From the shared account we will:
1) Pay for regular costs like mortgage, cars, utilities, food, toiletries, pet costs, etc.
2) Each month, put a little aside into a vacation bank account.
3) Each month, put an allowance amount into our separate allowance accounts. This number could be something like $300 a month. This would cover guns, ammo, range membership, clothing, or alternatively, makeup and $500 designer dresses.
4) Split the rest equally into two identical retirement savings plans, each under one of our names only, but with some inheritance provision for if one of us dies.

When both partners are involved in administering it, a spending allowance is a really fair and open way for a couple to manage spending.
 
rral22 said:
You can't be serious! Please. I haven't heard anything like this since my kids were 12, and trying to convince me they hadn't lied to us.

The rest of that post is hypothetical speculation in an attempt to rationalize an excuse to lie.

My last post will be a quote.

"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all."
-- Edmund Burke
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Please! Have you ever been stopped for speeding? When the officer cited you, did you point out that you had been travelling even faster than noted on the ticket? Omission of fact is not a lie.
 
CompBoy said:
Either way $1500 is a lot of money IMO to spend on a toy without sitting down and talking about it. He doesn't need it and it doesn't improve the family in anyway. No matter what it's still a lot of money to spend.

Not telling her is pretty much going to lead to issue of trust.
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Spending $15 100 times is equivalent to $1,500. In addition, most items purchased can be returned for a full or substantially full refund or re-sold. Like I said before, firearms hold their value very well, if one does enough homework. In these economic times, a rifle may hold it's value better than cash or term deposit. It may even help defray food costs by allowing you to harvest your own or protect your lives if they're ever threatened. Perhaps the target practice might even save the OP's life or someone else's when he's redeployed. Economic fallout from terrorism is also a valid concern if the OP lives in or near a big city. Yeah, $1,500 is a substantial amount of money. However, I don't believe it's a life altering amount for the OP given his young age and earning capacity - it's not like he has to borrow either.

Worst world, if OP had to sell the rifle to get cash, he'd be out $750 max. That's even less scary. Try to get at least 50 cents on the dollar liquidating shoes and purses. :rolleyes:
 
Ill tell ya what it comes down to. Male vs Female.

No real woman is 100% down with guns, engines and all the cool stuff in a mans life.

No real man is 100% down with makeup, shoes, and what ever elce chicks dig.


When your married and share an account you Oviously half to talk about big spends. aka a $1500 rifle.
Now its not that your wife is not or never gona let you buy it. Its that SHE will think its a waste of $$$ and can not understand the need seeing how there is allready more than one gun in the house.

If you never thought of a way to advoide that...... your still in the puppydog stage.
 
The smart couples I know each pay 50% of all the household bills, with the remainder being each of theirs to spend as they please. This way if one wants something, he/she can spend his/her own money on it without all the fireworks. Also allows that person to do extra side jobs and such to make money to further fund their own purchases. Throwing everything into the pot is a terrible thing to do. You'll get #####ed out for every toy you want to buy.
 
true story there.


but it works out well in other ways as well. You are able to do more things with each other and not worry about the $$. And that keeps a strong relashonship.
 
AKD said:
Ill tell ya what it comes down to. Male vs Female.

No real woman is 100% down with guns, engines and all the cool stuff in a mans life.

No real man is 100% down with makeup, shoes, and what ever elce chicks dig.
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That's why separate discretionary spending allowance accounts are a good idea. You don't have to justify your purchases and she doesn't have to justify hers. Your toys will probably realize some value when sold whereas her's probably won't. Whatever you get out of your toys goes back into your discretionary fund.

Do not buy homes, household furniture, fixtures or equipment, your primary mode of transportation, food, utilities, taxes or other necessities (the things you see eye to eye on) with money from your discretionary fund. Your discretionary fund should cover things you want that your spouse may take exception too. Your goals are met without the bickering, arguing and manipulation.

When your married and share an account you Oviously half to talk about big spends. aka a $1500 rifle.
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When you share an account, you have to advise one another when you draw on it. That should be your family operating account for necessities. You may also want to keep different investment accounts for saving/investing. All accounts can remain joint - just stay out of each other's discretionary accounts.

It's fine to discuss purchases with your spouse. You may hear blah, blah, blah, but maybe one thing you didn't think of that saves your sorry arse from making a costly mistake. Asking your spouse for permission will only lead to problems. Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. Both need the respect, trust, freedom and dignity to make your own decisions. Both need the compassion, foregiveness and strength to deal with the mistakes.......and you will make them.

Separate the things that divide you and combine the things that bring you together.
 
#1. What she doesn't know, won't hurt her.... What she finds out, will kill you....
#2. Don't ask, don't tell....
#3. Bring anything new into the house under the cover of darkness.... Preferably while she's gone or asleep....
#4 Have a back up house or a safe house if she finds out what your up to....
#5 You didn't hear this from me....:p
 
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